forgetting

i am in a place in my life right now where i am being asked to forget ~ forget that the past 2 years of my life happened ~ say good-bye to a person who has made such an impact on my life that without knowing them i am not sure where i would be right now. how do you forget a person once they have made such an impression on your heart ~ in your life? grieve it and move on ~ that is the advice i have been given. it is not as easy as it sounds ~ grieving that relationship ~ letting it go ~ it is like losing a part of myself; a really good part of myself ~ maybe the best part of me.

i am sure it will happen slowly and over time i won't feel so lost or hurt. the emptiness that letting go leaves behind is unbearable sometimes. i have been empty ~ i do not want to go back there ~ it is lonely ~ it is an existence ~ it is not really living. it will be difficult to go back to empty. i will work on it. i just know that the next few months are going to be difficult. it is a place i never imagined i would ever be ~ i guess that makes it even more painful.

i have this love for brian andreas, he is an artist and has some of the best quotes i know!! some of them mean so much to me because i feel like they describe me or my life as it is at this point in time. there is one that describes what i am going through and i read it over and over and over ~ someday i will share it!!

better than a "hallelujah" !!

as i have mentioned ~ music speaks to me and i recently heard a song that means the world to me right now because i know my journey has been a true struggle lately ~ much more crying out to God my misery rather than crying out worshipful joys and hallelujahs. this song reminds me that God loves those praises, but God also loves when we have nothing else to give but our pain so that God can help us to heal.
here are the words ~ it is beautiful!!

Better than a Hallelujah ~ Amy Grant

God loves a lullaby ~ in a mother's tears in the dead of night
better than a hallelujah sometimes
God loves the drunakards cry, the soldiers pleas not to let him die
better than a hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts
are better than a hallelujah.

The woman holding on for life, the dying man giving up the fight
are better than a hallelujah sometimes
tears of shame for what's been done, the silence when the words won't come
are better than a hallelujah sometimes.

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts
are better than a hallelujah.

why the my blog title

coming up with some type of title for a blog ~ or anything ~ that somewhat represents me as an individual was not as easy as i thought it would be. i am so many things ~ i have had so many experiences ~ there are many things that have contributed to the person i am today. one thing that has always been such a huge major part of my life is music. from the point when i can remember my life beginning as a young girl music has always been in the fabric of my life. i love music ~ not just the sound of music but the words of music. one of my favorite quotes about music is "music is the voice of the soul" and to me that sums it up. i am most in touch with who i am in my soul when i am listening to music. i connect with the words ~ many times i feel them and what the singer/songwriter may be trying to convey. so, i knew that part of what would express who i am in a blog would be related to music. the words themself "breathe in, breathe out, move on" are from one of my most current favorite jimmy buffett songs. here are the lyrics

i bought a cheap watch from the crazy man
floating down canal
it doesn't use numbers or moving hands
it always just says "now"
Now you may be thinking that i was had
but this watch is never wrong
and if i have trouble the warranty says
breathe in ~ breathe out ~ move on

if a hurricane doesn't leave you dead
it will make you strong
don't try to explain just nod your head
breathe in ~ breathe out ~ move on

according to my watch the time is now
the past is dead and gone
don't try to explain it just nod your head
breathe in ~ breathe out ~ move on
don't try to explain it just bow your head
breathe in ~ breathe out ~ move on.


that song sums me up ~ according to my watch the time is now ~ the past is dead and gone ~ don't try to explain it just bow your head ~ breathe in ~ breathe out ~ MOVE ON!!!

much much much easier said than done ~ but like i have said, i am a work in progress ~ i am on a journey ~ but i am listening to that still small voice inside that keeps saying "i am going to make it!"

ok, i am really doing it this time!!

i live in indiana ~ it is march madness time ~ actually the ncaa tournament is over and the butler bulldogs played their hearts out against the big bad blue devils of duke! what excitement ~ no really it was! i have friends who graduated from both schools and if i weren't such a "root for the underdog" kind of person i would have been cheering duke on all the way!! i just love coach k! plus, back in my college days i went to indiana university and duke always seemed to be a huge rival in the tournament ~ not quite sure if it was a bobby knight vs. coach k rivalry or a team rivalry but whatever it was it made for great basketball! butler was the cinderella team and it would have been awesome had they won but i am content in the fact knowing that they played their best and brought it down to the wire ~ it wasn't a blowout which is what some were thinking so that made me happy!

so basketball is over for a few months ~ moving on to baseball ~ not my favorite season but my son plays little league so i have to root for his team!! this is the first season we are playing on a traveling team ~ so we will see how it goes!! looking forward to it actually because he is getting so good at playing ! i think baseball and soccer will definitely be his sports!!

ok, so my blog, not too exciting yet!! i am hoping to get more comfortable here and have more meaningful things to post ~ but right now this is my so called life!!