sitting in my stupid office ~ alone ~ because, well it is a long story. see , i used to work with this wonderful, amazing person ~ carrie ~ but another, better opportunity came along for her ( i would never want to stand in the way of a great career move for anyone *sniffle, sniffle*) and she scooped it up and, i am sure, never looked back. i am so, so, very happy for her because i know it was the best thing for her but, now, i sit in my office 3 days a week ~ alone; and it is very lonely. the best companions i have are facebook and pandora.
oh pandora ~ i have finally figured you out and why your name is what it is. pandora's box is actually what i am sure you were meant to be called ~ because opening you up i find all kinds of wonderful music to listen to ~ anything i want to hear you offer me. pandora's box because you are chock full of surprises, songs that i haven't heard in ages ~ or songs that i can hear anytime on any given radio station ~ you are that diverse. however, i think the real reason you are named pandora is not for what you have to offer me musically ~ it is more because listening to you the pandora's box in my mind starts opening up and going hundreds of places that i am sure i thought i had forgotten or places that i am sure that i shouldn't even go!! you open up the pandora's box that is my mind and that is definitely not, i repeat NOT, a good thing at all.
with my thoughts places where i am sure they shouldn't be ~ plus being alone in this damn office ~ it is a double whammy ~ and i am so screwed!!
when i plug in a channel that is "rob thomas" or "phil collins" or "james taylor" ~ it makes me remember this stupid dreamer that i am and it kills me. so, "change the station" you say ~ but, maybe (in a weird kind of "me" way ) i like dreaming those stupid things that come to mind, thinking of the impossible, fantasizing about things i know that will never be but that the mere thoughts of them make me so very happy!! yes, in some ways it helps me get through what is my reality !
i have to say, honestly, i am a very lucky and blessed person. i have three beautiful children who love me to pieces, a great husband who is a wonderful father, an all around good and decent person who puts up with a lot of shit from me (particulary in the past 3 years) and, for the most part, lets me have a life and understands that being married isn't going to be the "end all ~ be all" to my life. so, really, my reality is so much better than most people's realities are ~ but, and there is always a "but" isn't there and sometimes it is a HUGE "but" ~ there are times when i want more. selfish ~ ungrateful person that i am, it is true. and you, pandora, you make me remember that sometimes i do want more.
to quote my favorite 21st century philosopher, jimmy buffett, just say Someday I Will.
" i see a white sail skipping cross a blue bay and i say someday i will
i see a young man strumming on a green guitar and i say someday i will
i don't have a plan, it's not that kind of thing ~
i'm not Martin Luther King
i don't have a dream, it's just sometimes i know ~ that's the way i'm supposed to go
so whatever thrills you ~ anything you love to do ~ just say someday i will
don't need to know who may help you make it come true ~ just say someday i will
you don't have to work it all out ~ you don't have to tear it all apart ~
all you need's a place to start
and if it never worked before, try it just once more ~ that's what your heart is for
whether it's big or small ~ if you have a passion at all ~ just say SOMEDAY I WILL ! :)
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