all i want for christmas....

now is the time when everyone starts asking "what do you want for christmas?". well, it is quite different as an adult answering that question than it ever was as a child or teenager. but, somehow, i think that even as a child and as a teenager what i really wanted for christmas were intangibles. sure, i always wanted toys, a car, money, clothes, the usual things that all kids want. but deep down, i have always been ~ what have i said in the past ~ a dreamer. i have somehow always felt the need for something deeper in my life and found meaning in so many things that other people my age may have overlooked.


a year or so ago i took one of those "tests" that determine what your natural, maybe even God given, strengths or talents were. wow, let me say that i wish i would have taken this test @ 22 instead of @ 40 ~ i believe that maybe my life would somehow be different had i actually realized that the way i am wired makes me very deep and compassionate. no wonder things affect me the way they do ~ even the silly little things. the 3 that stand out the most to me and make so much sense to me now that someone has actually defined these characteristics are:

empathy, positivity, and connectedness

when i read the descriptions of each of these "strengths" and then looked at myself i realized why i had always acted, responded, and felt in situations in the ways that i had.

empathy ~ well, we all know and understand empathy ~ but i guess for me, i take it to the "Nth" degree.

here is the description that was given : you can sense the emotions of those around you. you can feel what they are feeling as though their feelings are your own. intuitively, you are able to see the world through their eyes and share their perspective. you do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective. you do not necessarily feel pity for each person's predicament ~ this would be sympathy, not empathy. you do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but you do understand. this instinctive ability to understand is powerful. you hear the unvoiced questions. you anticpate the need. where others grapple for words, you seem to find the right words and the right tone. you help people find the right phrases to express their feelings ~ to themselves as well as to others. you help them give voice to their emotional life. for all of these reasons other people are drawn to you.

ok, so, once i read this i knew it was me ~ dead on ~ an extremely thorough explanation of one of the ways that i "feel" my way through life. and i do feel my way through life ~ many people reason their way through life but i am not one of those people.

positivity ~ you are generous to praise, quick to smile, and always on the lookout for the positive in the situation. some call you light ~ hearted. others just wish their glass were as full as yours seems to be. but either way, people want to be around you. their world looks better around you because your enthusiasm is contagious. lacking your energy and optimism, some find their world drap with repetition, or worse, heavy laden with pressure. you seem to find a way to lighten their spirit. you inject drama into every project. you celebrate every achievement. you find ways to make everything more exciting and more vital. some cynics may reject your energy, but you are rarely dragged down. somehow you can't quite escape your conviction that it is good to be alive, that work can be fun, that no matter what the setbacks, one must never lose one's sense of humor.

i can honestly say that yes, this used to be so ME ~ not so much over the past couple of years, but the majority of my life this was who i was. ok, now couple that with the empathy ~ wow ~ a lot of reasons why i did or do things started to make so much sense to me after this. now, wait until you read the third, connectedness.

connectedness ~ things happen for a reason. you are SURE of it. you are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from earth and the life on it. this feeling of connectedness implies certain responsibilities. if we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. we must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. your awareness of these responsibilites creates your value system. ( wow ~ does it ever ! i guess that is where my liberalism comes into play ) you are considerate, caring and accepting. certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. the exact articles of your faith will depend upon your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. it sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.

after reading all 3 of these strengths i sort of said ~ no wonder i am the way i am ~ it all makes sense now ~ i makes sense to me now !! i am wired this way ~ it is NOT a mistake!!!

maybe taking this test @ 20 wouldn't have given me much insight into myself as it did in taking it @ 40 ~ at 20 i am sure that i didn't have enough life experiences to draw upon or to actually come up with patterns of behavior like i did @ 40. i used to say to a friend of mine ~ if i am an expert on anything in this world, i am an expert on "me" ~ i do know myself very well ~ and after taking this test i feel like i know myself even better.

so, what in the heck does this have to do with what i want for christmas????? i will tell you.

my favorite answer to this question is this ~ and it is true and comes from my heart and i wish it every year ~ not just at christmastime ~ all the time!!

".....no more lives torn apart ~ that wars would never start ~

and time would heal all hearts

everyone would have a friend ~ right would always win ~

and love would never end

this is my grown up christmas list....."

these are not my own words ~ i have stolen them from a beautiful song, originally sung by amy grant. but, if i had to come up with words to express what i would want for christmas, this is pretty much, exactly, what i would say. and, understanding the way i am wired helps me understand why this is what i would want over anything else!!

whatever it happens to be that you want for christmas ~ i hope it comes from your heart and truly makes you happy !!