i am sure that if people could listen to the random odd thoughts that i have they would think, "whoa ~ where does she come up with this stuff"? ~ i have to admit ~ i have an amazingly imaginative mind and can look at situations and bring something up that people would not have ever thought of. it is this imagination that makes me believe in the impossible ~ makes me believe in something unexplainable ~ makes me believe in something so powerful that to question it makes no sense to me.
i would say i am a deeply spiritual person, i am a christian, believe in god and jesus christ, the whole nine yards... but i would not necessarily say that i am "religious". sure, there are things that i like to participate in that are related to religion, but i do not need a building or a pastor to have any sort of spirituality or to be considered a christian ~ it is all inside of me ~ and that is how i like it to be. some people thrive on religiousity (is that a word? lol ! ) ~ they are all about being involved in their church and making sure that "church" is done the right way and that there are missions that the church engages in ~ all of these things are wonderful and i am glad that god designed some people to be this way ~ because that is certainly not me. but, i know the need for those individuals and they are giving of their gifts in the way that they understand how to do so.
because i am a spiritual person, i think about what is next ? what is heaven? everyone has their own vision of what heaven is or will be like ~ who will be there ~ who they hope is not ~ what they will do when they get there ~ questions that they would like answers to ~ possibly seeing the "bigger" picture that, while here on earth, they couldn't see because they only knew their side and their piece of some huge picture puzzle of life. i think about heaven and is it something different for each individual ~ does each person's own version of heaven become a reality in heaven or is it just something that we could never even imagine or invision so it isn't worth even trying because we could never even come close to knowing what it is like until we are there. whatever heaven is ~ here is what a piece of my heaven would be:
~ the person who knows my heart and who sees me as i truly am will be there waiting for me....
~ the people i have loved most in this life, if they have passed away, will also be there ~ bringing me into their world ... and as they take me to wherever it is i am to go, in the background i hear voices, not singing or music (which if you know me is not what you might think i would be imagining ~ i love music, it is my life) ~ but hundreds of voices praying, some whispering, some loudly, all saying different things all at once, i cannot make sense of any of it ~ it just sounds like a bunch of people talking. but, when i sit down to take it all in, i begin to be able to start making sense of what is being said. and what is even more odd is that there are no people, just voices, like they are being piped in through some audio system ~ but that couldn't be possible because this is heaven ~ it is just the way it is!! as i listen and begin to hear exactly what these voices are saying, i realize they are talking about me ~ some happy, some sad, some mad. as i listen i realize they are talking about events of my life, good, bad, ugly, happy ~ they know so many things about my life and my joys and sorrows and struggles and disappointments, and anything that i have ever prayed to god about i can hear.
i ask the person with me, "what are those voices"? ~ and do you know what the beautiful, humbling answer to this question is? as i am entering into heaven to be in a perfect place and in a perfect relationship with christ the voices, the prayers, of all of the people who ever prayed for me or praised god for me are what i can hear ~ humbled by the fact that even when i had no idea that someone had been praying for me they had been and now i am made aware. and now, these voices become the most beautiful noise i have ever heard ~ then, it makes me better understand, how in the pits of life that i happened to find myself in occassionally, how i made it through those times, when my faith seemed nonexistent and i wondered how i would make it through the day ~ or did not know what i had to live for ~ the prayers that those voices were praying were keeping me afloat ~ carrying me through those darkest times when i didn't know how to find it in me to go on, those prayers were what was pushing me into the next day and the next and the next ~
whether this is what my heaven will be like, or not, is yet to be experienced ~ but i can tell you one thing ~ when i think of prayer with this perspective ~ i am much more specific, i am much more deliberate, i am much more fully engaged into whatever that prayer might be ~ because maybe, just maybe, someday it will help push someone into the next day, and the next when they are in desperate need of faith, hope, and love ~
you never know, it could really happen.....
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